My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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