yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
