Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
