he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
