So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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