just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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