i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
