Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
