dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You have to summon your inner elephant
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
