who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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