I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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