my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't put those talents on a resume
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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