Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
