...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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