I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
