I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
