hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize