When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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