It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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