I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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