If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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