now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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