Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
