Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
