I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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