my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
