did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
