He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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