so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
