i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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