69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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