JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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