the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
