how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
