she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
