Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
