The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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