He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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