textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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