My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
