a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
