Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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