I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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