Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
