Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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