doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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