My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
