peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
