Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
