im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
