i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
