I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do vagina's smell?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
