Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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