Pappa wants mamma naked
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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