John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
