Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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