My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
