There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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