So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
