I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
