i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
