belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
