hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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