Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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