So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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