My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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