I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you have to choose: penises or morals?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
