Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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