it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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