I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
