Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
