i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
