i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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