Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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