And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
