is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
