i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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