Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
